Its been almost 3 years .....
Lots to blog about....Let me start out with te most chaotic stuff in me...
One thing which I am so happy about is my memory. Its very much volatile .I need not carry the heavy and hard past in me ,it jst disappears as time moves, so I get healed easily. The very reason for this blog is jst to put down things before I forget :P
Like everyone else in this simple world I wish to do whatever my heart longs for. But that never happened I was never driven by my impulses. Till recently I never knew what was stopping me from being spontaneous.
There is a rule (working out in my mind) which is not controlled by my conscious mind, how this rule was formulated in me is something which I have not discovered yet. But what it does ?
It induces fear ………….
Fear of losing , fear of being embarrassed, fear of being side lined....so slowly fear worked its way top and took off everything that I was capable off. Fear that this post will not be read by anyone or will be criticized......So what? whats te big deal if no one s gonna read this post.Though I cannot give a rational explanation on how it works , I can share my part of experience in tackling it. As I already mentioned this fear is not of conscious mind. It is like a trigger, it jst punches right on ur face .When ? is something that each of us have to figure out. In my case ,whenever iam to prepare for an exam I can never concentrate ,I get disturbed coz Iam worried more about the failure that might follow.It feels good to close the book and get some sleep ,but next exam still makes me feel the same. The point is dodging fear would still keep it alive , going through the fear is the only way to win over. Just take up the stuff that triggers fear and let it slap you…..First slap would be painful and rest would redefine those pre set rules .This s something that has to be realised ,experienced by self.Theoretically , here is the solution.........Iam happy going through it ,Its been quite a transition :) Iam experiencing money,driving,watching ......its liberating............. :)
So whats chaotic?????? the thoughts.....its random ,fearsome , it defines u .
